If At First You Don't Succeed...........

..........tell Princess Leia she is your sister, that way she doesn't get all cocky thinking she rejected you for another man. Works every time.

..........get back in the Delorian, head to your young teen friends house and scream, "It's your kids, Marty! Something's gotta be done about your kids!!"

..........surgically remove it and call yourself 'Janet'. It's a reasonable name.

..........yell, "Meka Leka Hi Meka Hidy Ho" and then watch as a disembodied head in a box says, "The wish is granted, Long Live Jambi."

..........add a bunch of shots of Vader going 'NOOOoooo' until you've really pissed off your fans.

..........tell Lassie to "Run Home, Girl, tell everyone I fucked up again."

..........go back to Vietnam to "take pictures of POWs"...and by "take pictures of POWs", I mean kill the shit out of everyone.

..........try using the Premium gas. Unleaded alone will not make a Tardis "Just Go Already."

..........try dressing up as J Edgar Hoover. Maybe all this ultra seriousness will make up for your complete lack of personality.

..........blame it all on Ricky Gervais. "Yeah, I know as an actor I am supposed to do good work and entertain people but, it doesn't change the fact that a comedian made a joke about me....boo hoo."

..........have a big thing stab Wash in the chest. Poor dude is trying to put her in park and then "Blam! You're stabbed."

..........use weird procedures to get pregnant so you can have 25 kids all at once or something. That way, you make so many people, population goes up, world gets more expensive and now some places want 2 dollars for a taco. Thanks for that.

..........tattoo 'THUG LIFE' on your fingers.

..........vow to avenge your parents and go put on a fucking Bat Suit like a real man.

..........try, try again. Unless what you're trying at is another holocaust. Cuz that shit is not cool.

..........stare at the fucking picture long enough that your eyeballs get all twisty and maybe you see a stupid picture. OR just skip that and go look at a real painting.


...written by Tony Santiago, SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS, all rights reserved