My Favorite Christmas Memories

If I remember anything vividly from my childhood it is the Christmas Specials on TV. All of which I could easily describe to you in such perfect detail you might think my brain was a tape recorder or an elephant. There was that one TV special where Frosty the Snowman captured Luke Skywalker and hung him upside down in his cave mistaking Luke for mistletoe. Remember that show? Luke cut off Frosty's arms just when the Snowman was about to eat some meat on the bone. So cute.

     That was when I started taking Prozac. Anyway, who can forget these timeless holiday classics? Like when Rudolph was discriminated against and wasn't allowed to play in any of the reindeer games because he was Jewish. I hated that part. So sad. Their noses are different, my friends, not worse.
     I remember those shows so well I feel like deep inside me there is a magical machine that plays them all back in Hi-Def. Like when Grandpa made me eat that VCR.
     And, of course, one of my favorites was the Charlie Brown one. Charlie was sad because Lucy and the gang stuffed Bruce Willis into an air duct with only a lighter to eat for Christmas. Very sad. Then the Grinch had a heart attack and dropped that big ol' sleigh on the entire population of Whoville, which I think was just The Who. That's how Keith Moon died if memory serves.
     I watched those shows every year and the impression they left on me was indelible, inedible and unEdwardable. I remember it like it was yesterday or 1985 or some other time. Santa Claus could see me when I was sleeping. He knew when I was awake. So I felt a duty to watch all of the shows that honored his one night of employment.
    Come to think of it, he is an unemployed illegal immigrant from the North Pole, huh? Breaking into our homes on  the Christ Child's special day? The Republicans are gonna be pissed if that ever occurs to them.

written by Tony Santiago, all rights reserved, but please share this. Merry Christmas!!!