When I diagram the phrase 'Prime Minister' and really get down to business and think about it, I think a Prime Minister should be like a priest who gives out steak instead of wafers during confession.
And really good high quality New York Prime Rib or something.
Not some weak ass bologna steak.
I would sit in the apology booth (by the way, that's what I think the Confessional should be called, or failing that, the 'Sorry Closet') with my mouth agape:
"So Prime Minister...we meet again. Perhaps the meat is on the other foot."
Confused he would mutter, "....What, my son?"
And I would answer, "Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about footmeat or something."
written by Tony Santiago, all rights reserved
Friday, July 8, 2011
'Elevator Stomach of a Transported Orca.'
I imagine that one day I will get on an airplane again.
Last time i did it was not a choice I made.
I was in my mothers womb.
Have you ever had your stomach climb up your spine while on the elevator meanwhile, you're an Orca being transported to a water park by helicopter?
This was me as a fetus traveling by airplane.
Haven't done it since.
written by Tony Santiago, all rights reserved
Last time i did it was not a choice I made.
I was in my mothers womb.
Have you ever had your stomach climb up your spine while on the elevator meanwhile, you're an Orca being transported to a water park by helicopter?
This was me as a fetus traveling by airplane.
Haven't done it since.
written by Tony Santiago, all rights reserved
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Truth In Advertising
Some people get mad when commercials interrupt their favorite program. Others say, "I have a crush on the actor in this ad!" And maybe some people just scream, "Bad Toast!" at their fish tank while their family slowly walks away in fear. Wherever you stand on the issue of advertising, I'm sure we've all bought a product and thought, "This doesn't do what the ad says it would." Here is my response.
(and don't forget to follow my YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/BansheeMilk)
(and don't forget to follow my YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/BansheeMilk)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Hello America
I began singing before knowing what I was going to sing. Is this wise? Sure. I think so. Dancers make shit up until it "feels right". Doctors who perform breast implants throw a bunch of stuff in there until they "feel right." So guess what, Loyal followers. I rocked out this here 4th of July song until it "felt right". And boy howdy, did it! (I'm speaking, of course, to my good friend, Boy Howdy, if you are not him, I can't believe you're reading this very private correspondence.)
'Britney Spears, Thor and Skinny Puppy (The Pledge of Indifference)'
There are many Americans who would love it if we made kids do the Pledge of Allegiance every morning like we used to (I apologize if this news just caused you to take a spill and now you have a mother wallop on the old coconut). A strange but, true fact is, that there is a plethora of folks who claim to believe in the freedoms that this country should provide (like religious persecution) and then question why everybody doesn't pray to the same God.
Are all Christians like this? Of course not. But if you want the Pledge to return....you're probably a christian. My question is: "Would Christians want their children to pledge every morning to Thor? He is a god, right? So, what's the harm in pledging your undying servitude to a hammer wielding Fabio look alike who occasionally gets in a skirmish with The Incredible Hulk?"
Answer: They don't want to and should not be forced. Nor should anyone else have to swear their unrelenting obedience to a zombie carpenter who is scared of gays if they don't want to.
Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Hey, pal, majority rules. There are more Christians in our country than any other religion so we get to throw our God into wherever we want."
And yes, I have heard this argument before. But it is moot as I shall now prove with the following 2 words.
Britney Spears. I'm sure you're familiar with Britney. Pop singer. Not a big reader. Looks good wearing a snake. See, her worst selling album outsold Skinny Puppy's best selling album. Not familiar with Skinny Puppy? That's okay. They sound scary, creative and there's a good chance you wouldn't like it. But, I do. I actually prefer it to Britney's music. My question to you is this. Due to Britney having a larger fan base than Skinny Puppy, does it give her fans the right to inject samples of her music in the middle of Skinny Puppy songs I am listening to? If so, do I then have an obligation to memorize this new interrupting version, repeat it back to those who taught it to me, whilst standing with hand upon heart and staring at a flag that depicts Britney beating a car with an umbrella?
Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that it does not. Skinny Puppy has the right to make their songs however they want, as does Britney. I, in turn, have the right to choose if I want to listen to either.
This 4th of July, I celebrated it correctly. I watched stuff blow up and thought about independence. A word that I am fortunate enough to know the definition of.
written by Tony Santiago, all rights reserved.
Are all Christians like this? Of course not. But if you want the Pledge to return....you're probably a christian. My question is: "Would Christians want their children to pledge every morning to Thor? He is a god, right? So, what's the harm in pledging your undying servitude to a hammer wielding Fabio look alike who occasionally gets in a skirmish with The Incredible Hulk?"
Answer: They don't want to and should not be forced. Nor should anyone else have to swear their unrelenting obedience to a zombie carpenter who is scared of gays if they don't want to.
Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Hey, pal, majority rules. There are more Christians in our country than any other religion so we get to throw our God into wherever we want."
And yes, I have heard this argument before. But it is moot as I shall now prove with the following 2 words.
Britney Spears. I'm sure you're familiar with Britney. Pop singer. Not a big reader. Looks good wearing a snake. See, her worst selling album outsold Skinny Puppy's best selling album. Not familiar with Skinny Puppy? That's okay. They sound scary, creative and there's a good chance you wouldn't like it. But, I do. I actually prefer it to Britney's music. My question to you is this. Due to Britney having a larger fan base than Skinny Puppy, does it give her fans the right to inject samples of her music in the middle of Skinny Puppy songs I am listening to? If so, do I then have an obligation to memorize this new interrupting version, repeat it back to those who taught it to me, whilst standing with hand upon heart and staring at a flag that depicts Britney beating a car with an umbrella?
Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that it does not. Skinny Puppy has the right to make their songs however they want, as does Britney. I, in turn, have the right to choose if I want to listen to either.
This 4th of July, I celebrated it correctly. I watched stuff blow up and thought about independence. A word that I am fortunate enough to know the definition of.
written by Tony Santiago, all rights reserved.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Unknown Michael Jackson Facts
1. If Annie had just answered his question, MJ wouldn't have kept asking if she was okay.
2. Billie Jean was not Michael's lover. She was a grown-up lady.
3. Michael Jackson gave himself the nickname of 'The King of Pop'. Some people suggested he go by 'Mike', or 'MJ', or even 'Mikey'. But, no.
4. Contrary to popular belief, MJ did not acquire the Elephant Man's bones. Those are someone elses bones, stupid.
5. The Jackson 5 considered calling themselves the Jackson 6 whenthey met Don Knotts. He was a helluva nice guy.
6. When Bob Fosse saw MJ stealing all his fashion ideas he rolled over in his grave. Do not blame Michael, though. Someone had lifted Bob's coffin on one side just at that moment.
7. He was bad, he was bad. Jamal, you know it.
8. the 50 or so dancers who always stood behind MJ in his videos and do the same dances as him at the same pace as him just as good as him were only Dukes of Pop, I guess.
9. "We lived in a normal home," say Blanket and Bubbles publicists.
10. the initials MJ often belong to very successful people. Michael Jackson. Michael Jordan. Magic Johnson. Mel Jibson and Mickey Jouse.
written by tony santiago, all rights reserved
2. Billie Jean was not Michael's lover. She was a grown-up lady.
3. Michael Jackson gave himself the nickname of 'The King of Pop'. Some people suggested he go by 'Mike', or 'MJ', or even 'Mikey'. But, no.
4. Contrary to popular belief, MJ did not acquire the Elephant Man's bones. Those are someone elses bones, stupid.
5. The Jackson 5 considered calling themselves the Jackson 6 whenthey met Don Knotts. He was a helluva nice guy.
6. When Bob Fosse saw MJ stealing all his fashion ideas he rolled over in his grave. Do not blame Michael, though. Someone had lifted Bob's coffin on one side just at that moment.
7. He was bad, he was bad. Jamal, you know it.
8. the 50 or so dancers who always stood behind MJ in his videos and do the same dances as him at the same pace as him just as good as him were only Dukes of Pop, I guess.
9. "We lived in a normal home," say Blanket and Bubbles publicists.
10. the initials MJ often belong to very successful people. Michael Jackson. Michael Jordan. Magic Johnson. Mel Jibson and Mickey Jouse.
written by tony santiago, all rights reserved
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