"The Wild Details You Asked For About My Birthday"

             My 35th birthday was a joy filled with tamales, tacos, snowcones and vomit. I ate 3 of these 4 things(I'll let you guess which one I left in a parking lot). I am a healthy eater but, not on my birthday. That is the day I throw caution to the wind and seeds to the birds. This way, the birds are fattened up and ready to be eaten.
             Sorry, birds. Take it up with evolution. I didn't make you delicious. If any of you birds are christian, on the other hand, you may have a bone to pick with God rather than evolution. Be careful, though. I hear God bones are way stronger than chicken bones. If both variety of bone were to, say, enter Thunderdome, rumor is only one bone would leave. And that bone would have more than a few DNA strands in common with Jesus Christ. So watch yourself. Perhaps some of you want to cry fowl, claiming it politically incorrect of me to assume Jesus could not have been a chicken. Well, answer me this, my fine feathered friends. How would a chicken fit on the cross? I contend that not even the mightiest of chicken with it's wings stretched out to maximum potential could be crucified on the standard 12 x 16 foot crucifix we so often see in Hollywood blockbusters these days. Nope. If there is a God(of which I am uncertain), and if he made a son with a married woman just so he could sacrifice that child at a later date(of which I am uncertain), that child was NOT a bird(of which I am VERY certain.)
            Do not question my wisdom, birds. I am 35 now. I could be your president. Oh, you don't wanna vote for a human? We're not winged enough for you? Well, I am twice the bi-ped any of you are!!! So put that in your gizzard and let the muscular walls and digestive enzymes break it down for you so you know what I say is true.
           What was my point? Oh yeah, for those Blog followers who asked, I had a very happy birthday.

written by Tony Santiago, all rights reserved.