"The Exotic Tale of the Mattresses"

       When she mentioned that she wanted one of those memory foam mattresses like on TV,
I jokingly asked my wife, "What did humans do before mattresses?"
       She took me literally and said, "Hay," which, of course, is what many would sleep on before the mattress was invented.
But I didn't hear her correctly and thought she said, "Hate."
As in, "What did people do before mattresses?"
"Hate.......they just hated!!!!"
Sometimes a kid who couldn't sleep would say, 'Mommy, I can't sleep' and the Mommy would ask,
"Have you tried hating something? There's much in this world to hate.....like demons, scurvy and feeling parched for mead."
"Boy, this is such a long time ago," the child would say.
"Yes," the mother would continue, "You can also hate the fact that waiters and waitresses have to have separate classifications based on gender even though they don't use their genitals to bring you a glass of water. The point is, if you hate hard enough, you will fall asleep. A pox on thee who don't hate themselves into an unconscious state! Or you could always do what mommy does and imagine some golden fleeced sheep leaping over a fence in the magical realm of Brigadoon, and then hate those sheep!!!! Hate 'em I tells ya'!!!"

But that isn't what my wife said. She said, "Hay."

written by Tony Santiago, all rights reserved.