#Undateable

        In a hashtag called "Undateable" on Twitter, I saw many people give stupid reasons why someone is, in fact, undateable like "If she bitch too much" (what if someone shot her in the face? That's a good reason to bitch a lot I think) or "If he won't let me wear heels"(of course not, that is just some insecure short guy trying to control you) so I began putting my own stupid or obvious ones, jokes mainly. Like, "If you killed my mom" or "If you like don't like to drink juice". Then I read the tweet of a girl who said something along the lines of "If you don't handle yo shit like a man" to which I responded "What if he handles his shit in a dress?"
      She then retweeted my question and hilariously added "If you so stupid you got to ask this question".
I asked her if "She had seen the documentary that explain pants" which baffled her and she said "Well, aren't you a man? How do you handle your shit?"
      I immediately apologized and explained that I was from a European nation called "Briggledorn" where "Is this bad? I am afraid my shit is without handles". She typed "Hahaha" and again, retweeted my comment and I tweeted, "In my country  we are nice people but we all wear dress.The shit we handle is in bags.Government confiscates these for fuel."
      She tweeted "Oh, okay then..." suggesting she would stop being mean since I was from another land. This means she feels racism is bad but regularly practices homophobia. She showed tolerance when I pretended to be foreign and hostility when I asked about a man wearing a dress, which, of course, does not make a man gay but, did in her eyes.
      Presumably she does not know she is homophobic. Without getting too preachy, I find it strange that we categorize the myriad forms of prejudice in our society. Each one has it's own word (racism, ageism, sexism, homophobia, etc.) I think this complicates things. Maybe it should all be rolled up into one ball called "Being a dumb hateful person".
     After that, she stopped tweeting entirely. So I just saved Twitter folk from conversations with her for a little while. You're welcome. I, then, said "Thank you for teaching me ways American man behaves. I am of appreciation" or something like that. Totally exploiting her gullibility like the asshole I am. Anyway, I had a good time.

written by Tony Santiago, all rights reserved